This One Goes Out To the Ones I Love
Not Particularly REM's Version
Hey, you. Did I ever tell you about the time my little brother got married? Technically he’s my best friend’s baby brother but I’ve known him for 32 years, so he’s mine too at this point. When he called to personally invite me to the wedding, I felt two intense emotions. Number one, was a sort of delicious squeal. My baby was getting hitched! I wanted to immediately squeeze and squish his grown-up face. Number two, was a deep reverence for what he was asking me to come and witness.
Say what you want about marriage being a mere contract or another way for the government to make money or a flat-out scam, love isn’t. Oh, people can certainly use the concept of love to control and manipulate others for nefarious reasons. I’m referring to good love; love in its highest and purest form. I’m talking about that “…stuff, that funk, that sweet, that funky stuff.” You know what I mean? When someone asks you to come to their wedding, they are asking you to be a willing participant and contributor to the foundation they are building upon with another human being. I don’t think we really get how special that is.
Yes, some couples come to that sacred space with many cracks in their foundation. I’m not naïve to that. I think we’ve all been to a wedding or two where none of us felt like the marriage was going to last very long. Which kind of beckons the question, “Why do we still choose to go and bare witness to that?” Are an open bar, dancing and cake more important somehow? No judgement, just curious. I’ll save that mess for another day.
What struck me about this wedding is that most of the people in attendance, all incredibly close friends/family of the couple, were each on the same level of love. We were years into finding that person and still treasured them. These relationships were not taken for granted. They were old but not tattered or torn. They were tended to. They were cultivated. It made sense to me why we were the lucky ones to be invited to this rite of passage. These are not perfect relationships, mind you. They are just good ones. They are full of people who are not afraid to grow and learn from each other. They are willing to do their own work, take responsibility for their actions and don’t mind having a therapist on speed dial. I don’t think speed dial is a thing anymore. I should say they don’t mind having a therapist as a favorite in their contact list.
You know that I’m not a sappy person, but I cried at the ceremony. These were not kids getting married, these were grown ass adults and I cried. The look on my baby brother’s face, was proof he had found his person and my new baby sister had found hers. Holy hell was that sweet.
If I’m being honest, that tenderness triggered me into remembering my own “aha” moments of deep affection for both Peter and Brad and I wasn’t the only one. At the reception dinner, several of us were prompted into telling the story of when they knew they had found the one to walk towards. For some it was by the encouragement from other people, others an unexpected encounter at a grocery store; all the stories involving humor in some way. What I found interesting was that even if an obstacle prolonged a relationship from blossoming right away, every person knew instantly that it was a relationship they were going to say “yes” to.
There’s no guarantee my brother’s relationship will stand the test of time. Everyone in attendance last weekend certainly wants it to but life be out here lifen, as they say. I mean there’s a reason why my company is called A Beautiful Mess. However given the state of American culture and many places around the world, I wanted to share a little more beauty with you this week.
Even amongst all the chaotic nose and hatred being spewed, there are still people out there saying ‘I choose you.” As my friend Amy said during my brother’s ceremony, “I just love love.”
Speaking of “Love,” my husband Peter and I are cooking up a podcast that’s a little sweet a little savory and a whole lotta honest. It stands to reason that it too will be beautiful and messy. So stay tuned.