Hey, You. Did I ever tell you about the time I was accosted while walking home one day? I probably didn’t since this happened about 26 years ago. I was only a few months out from having graduated college. I had moved back in with my mom and was out running an errand in her car. I don’t remember the specifics of the errand I was running, but the car broke down. I called my mom and she suggested maybe taking a taxi back to the house but I felt like that would have been money wasted. I wasn’t that far from home and my legs worked just fine. I decided to walk. Even though it was broad daylight, I admit that I wasn’t thrilled about walking home by myself plus it was pretty hot, if my memory serves me, but I did it anyway. My mom stayed on the phone with me just to make sure all was well and I’m glad she did because soon enough it wouldn't be.
At some point on my walk I feel a car pull along side of me and I hear a man’s voice say, “Hey, do you want a ride?” I told my mom that someone was trying to get my attention. I briefly looked over and said, “I’m good” and kept walking. Once again, he tried to get my attention in kind of an aggressive way and once again I indicated I was good and kept walking and informing my mom what’s going on. The driver drove a little ways ahead of me and then pulled over. I felt a tickle in my stomach. Suddenly he sticks his head up over the car and proceeds to berate me. “Ay, B$%ch! I was trying to help you out and then you’re just gonna ignore me, acting like you’re better than me. B&ch, FU! (you know normally I like my sentences seasoned, but there were sooo many expletives that I’ll spare you). I’m the one driving the car and you’re out here walking.” I kept walking while he drove along insulting my hair, my clothes, pointing at me and calling me ugly. I remember feeling that this guys was freaking unhinged all because I decided not to take a ride from a stranger. Meanwhile my mom could hear him and was on the verge of calling the cops but I said no. Here is the craziest part of the story to me. I tried to avoid eye contact as much as possible during this man’s tirade, but at some point I glanced over and for the first time noticed that his girlfriend was in the passenger seat laughing the whole time. How did I know it was his girlfriend? Because she also yelled at me saying, “My man was just trying to help you. You didn’t have to wave him off like that. You didn’t have to ignore him. Now he’s busting you.” She was his hype man all the way until the last “Fuck you!” when they suddenly drove off, leaving me standing there hot, sweaty and absolutely terrified.
I remember crying when I got home to my mom recalling everything that happened. I couldn’t understand what I had done to escalate that man’s anger to such a degree and how a woman could stand by and watch it happen with such delight. I remember thinking, “My God, she must never imagine a world in which his anger would ever be directed towards her,” and for her sake I hoped she was right. I think of her from time to time. Wondering what was going on in her life that she saw admiration in what he did to me as opposed to disgust. Did he eventually abuse her at some point in their relationship or were they cut from the same cloth? Two peas in a moldy, decayed, rotten pod.
This morning I was walking on the trail near my house. There were the usual “hello” and “good morning” exchange of greetings between me and passerbys. One gentleman in particular stared at me in such a way that I found odd. I don’t know why but I flashed back to that moment years ago when I was left standing riddled by the verbal bullets of, I imagine, descendants of Bonnie and Clyde. Instead of looking away and avoiding the man I looked him directly into his eyeballs. I greeted him warmly but I’m sure my eyes said, “come at me if you want to. I’ve seen enough Dateline specials to know that I might not win the battle but you better bet my DNA will be all over you.” I’m happy to say the man smiled back and kept on walking.
I highly doubt that there was anything nefarious going on in that man’s head. He probably wasn’t even focused on me when he happened to glance my way, yet here we are in 2026 and I’m still having to steel myself anyway because I know this shit’s still happening. Pretending to be the deer with a knowing that I might have to turn into the lioness at a moment’s notice. It’s maddening.
I think about my children and know that I have to figure out a way to teach my daughter how to stay safe AND understand that there’s nothing INFERIOR about being a woman in any way shape or form, while simultaneously teaching my son how to love himself but not think that being a man makes him SUPERIOR in any way shape or form.
Sometimes I think about what I could have said or done differently to alter the outcome of that walk to my mother’s house. I usually come back to nothing. I had the right to say no. I had the right to dismiss a ride from a stranger because my gut instincts sensed something didn’t feel right. The reality is he could have just driven away. I could have been a story that he told friends later that day, “Man, can you believe I offered a ride to a young lady today but she chose to walk in the heat alone by herself? I guess some people just can’t be helped.” I could have gotten home to my mother and told her that a man tried to offer me a ride but I didn’t want to chance it, even in the heat, and that would have been that. Instead I’m now left with a trauma wound that gets triggered when a man looks at me a little too long. Such is life, I guess.
Luckily the groundhog dirt mounds, the cackling of the parrots, the sweet smell of flowers and yes the people gliding by, remind me that a walk on the trail on a beautiful morning is still worth it.
**Everything I write comes from my personal insights and has all the drippings of my opinions, biases, and what-nots. Rather than come for me with facts or judgements to contradict my said opinions, biases and what-nots, I’d rather you find a different blog that makes you happy. If you find these posts therapeutic or helpful in any way that means we connected and it’s all I can ask for, however I’m not a therapist nor a coach. I’m just a writer floating words out there hoping they find the person they are intended for.